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On Monday, I talked a little about the toxic culture surrounding masculinity and how it hurts men.Today, I want to start the conversation to help dismantle it.

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We blame for whatever flaws make us perceive ourselves as unfuckable.We get the Standard Virginity Loss Narrative burned into our minds early on, reinforced over and over again by pop-culture until we start to believe it’s the TRVTH, carved into stone tablets delivered to us at the base of Mount Sinai.The story turns our sexual development into a performance, just as masculinity is often a performance.The earlier you lose it, the better off you are (no matter how unhealthy that act may actually be), but you should be trying by high school.According to the Standard Narrative, the ideal time is at some suitably momentous occasion: the “big game”, at prom… If you can’t manage it in high school, then you wants to be there because here there be dragons.One of the reasons why men tend to freak out about the idea of being a virgin – especially being a virgin past college – is that we’ve grown up in the shadow of a cultural narrative that we believe to be law.The Standard Virginity Loss Narrative tells us that men are supposed to lose their virginity by a certain age – sometimes by age 18, sometimes by 21.And believe me, it wasn’t much better for the women I tried to date, either.I hurt a number of people in my quest to get my dick wet and, at the time, I didn’t care.The fear of being “outed” as a virgin becomes a self-perpetuating cycle.They so fear rejection for being virgins that they can’t bring themselves to approach women.

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