” and then respect the answer.“Wanting to have sex” may seem like a really obvious criterion for, you know, having sex, but I’m serious: Don’t sleep with someone unless you really, honest-to-God want to.
Some people aren't entirely certain what they ultimately want, but they do know that, for now, in this moment, it might include sex.This may seem kind of random, but it’s important to consider: If you’re planning on doing the deed at someone's apartment, and they have a cat, and you have a debilitating cat allergy, that is not going to work. If s/he has cynophobia, s/he can then let you know. Does sleeping together automatically mean you are no longer seeing other people, or are you both comfortable with making that decision based on some other measure of seriousness? There are no fundamentally "wrong" answers to these questions—but what is wrong is not making sure that both people have a clear understanding of the answers before you get each other in a vulnerable position. —but it’s good to be on the same page with your partner at the beginning.These are the details that make sexual scenarios work, folks! Again, finding this out can be the product of an intense discussion between two people in a relationship, or it can be a quick-but-effective as dragging someone you just met off to the side and being like, "I'm moving to Prague in two days but I very much want to spend the night with you tonight and never see each other again. Relationships, even casual ones, only get more complicated when you add sex to the mix.Before you get into bed with someone, be sure that you have a clear idea of what the sex will mean for your relationship with that person. A severe allergic reaction to latex could put a real damper on the proceedings, so figure these kinds of things out first.Also think about issues like food preferences—is your partner a hardcore vegan and you are a dyed-in-the-wool carnivore?Let's not pretend that dating hasn't always been superficial.That people haven't always misrepresented their intentions to get to sleep with you.There is, of course, no failsafe way to make sure that you only have positive, multi-orgasmic, flowers-and-rainbows sexual experiences; Sometimes you can do everything “right” and still end up in bed with the wrong people.That said, there are some simple, practical measures you can take that will help to ensure that a good time is had by all.These are all (you don't need me to tell you) absolutely acceptable things to want.That said, no matter what you want, or whether you’re looking to sleep with someone you’ve known for five years, or someone you just met five hours ago, there are a few constant preliminaries that you should take care of beforehand to make sure that the experience is safe, comfortable, and happy.