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How to message someone on a dating site

As your conversation goes back-and-forth, keep in mind: your goal is to find commonalities.

Rather, ask specific questions (like the examples above) that put you in the driver’s seat of the conversation.

For instance, if you seem good-looking but a little bit douchey in your pic, an innocent comment might come across as overly flirty or aggressive.

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”Other comments you could pull from a girl’s pics/bio: So you’re the outdoorsy type, huh? Back when I was a precocious, introverted youth who completely lacked charm, I tried online dating. Over the course of a couple years I, along with a team of friends, split tested multiple profiles, in multiple cities, on various sites, and gauged the opposite sex's responses to different messages, as well as what sequences of messages led to the best response.I totally struck out, which wasn't particularly surprising at the time. By this point in my life I had come out of my shell, all that, so I decided to try online dating again. By the end of my time doing this I had discovered many key tips and best practices for online dating, as well as many "copy-and-paste" message templates that routinely had a response rate hovering around 75%.When you just write “hey” to a girl, you haven’t actually started a conversation. For a girl, replying to “hey” feels like work with no pay-off in sight. You’re not even showing interest in anything specific about her. I usually don’t bother much beyond that I may respond “That’s why I’d like to meet.Tinder is a terrible forum but you can text me xxx-xxx-xxx” Tell her a few things about yourself but keep trying to push a date. You: Hey would you be down to grab coffee sometime? You: Are you free at all next week — maybe Thursday? And I’ll miss my sorority sisters when it’s over for sure. I’ve still been in touch with everybody, but it’s harder for sure. So while the above advice should help, I can’t overemphasize the importance of your pics first. so why didn't what I knew how to do work online? I began doing this the only way I knew how: through disciplined experimentation and testing.What follows are some of the things I learned during that time about sending effective online dating messages:1. On most dating sites, your profile photo will show up shrunken next to the message. Just like you would on Twitter or Quora, pick an avatar image that's iconic and sparks curiosity.


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