If I had taken his past seriously and asked some tough questions, we may have not gone out again after the first date.Even though I knew breaking-up was the right decision, it’s always hard to say good-bye to someone you spend time getting to know. Today as I listen to single women tell their stories about dating divorced men, I remember my experience well.I see them making choices about dating divorced men similar to ones I made.
Even though I have never been through a divorce, I imagine it is difficult to identify one clear reason for it. Depending on your interpretation of scripture, your personal experiences with divorce, and your convictions, you may not agree with the reasons.Not only does an adequate amount of time need to pass before someone starts dating after a divorce, but that time should be purposeful.Participating in professional counseling, mentoring, and support groups, ideally Christian-based, shows a man’s humility, maturity, and leadership.Even if it’s to discern marriage for a future time when he can remarry, can he commit to you the attention needed for discerning marriage?It takes time to heal from a divorce whether or not the divorce was a person’s choice. And of course the time depends on the circumstances and what was done after the divorce to heal from it properly.It was also a red flag that my suspicions were right – we didn’t share the same level of interest in each other.When the night was over I went to his hotel room to see if he was there. Then he said, “Here I am a 34-year-old man at a singles’ retreat.” That’s when I knew that dating someone who had been married was more complicated than dating someone who had not.There are different opinions about how long it takes. In the story I told above, my boyfriend had been divorced for about three years and yet he was still hurting.Dating too soon after a divorce is sometimes a sign that the man is trying to fill the void left from his marriage.As I stepped off of the elevator, I saw him straight ahead sitting on a glass-topped table in the hallway. There was extra “stuff” to work through – a whole other person from the past worth of stuff.Before you date a divorced man, ask these four questions: This seems like an obvious first question.