Little did we realize over the next couple of years how much his relationship with his ex-wife would deteriorate once I came more fully into the picture and started to help take care of the kids when they were with my boyfriend for his parenting time.
Also, little did we realize how much the crazy ex was going to start putting the kids in the middle.
Mutual support and interdependence may have slipped into codependency.Most people, after a little while, if they're sane, will be able to quell the "divorce crazy" and get down to business figuring out what they want, what they can reasonably get from the divorce agreement, and what's best for the children.However, in the case of dealing with a truly crazy soon-to-be ex, there are nasty, nasty games that get played and often times the children are put in the middle by one party or the other.This leads to the question, is it possible to live your lives in such a way that you can avoid loneliness in a marriage relationship?The answer lies in something you learned back in the days when you were flying solo in your career and were among friends. At that time you were developing your identity–who you were, what you were good at, what you liked and disliked, where you were going in life.Of course we talked about lots of other things, too.Religion, politics, family, our hopes for the future, our views on how people should treat each other, pet peeves, likes, loves, etc. He has two, and at the time we started dating, they were 3 and 8 years old. You become a couple and you marry, whether formally or not.It may be that he uses alcohol to medicate some personal pain, and while physically present, is emotionally absent.Then when the bumps and turns of life came along, you didn’t know who you were anymore. Keep on talking and listening at the feeling level as well as the thinking level. Frequently review together your expectations of yourselves and each other.If you’re entering a marriage relationship, whether your first or a remarriage, it is important that both of you do so with a strong sense of personal identity and an intention to maintain that identity. Marriage can be a wonderful partnership, but if you approach it as a solution to all your problems, you may find yourself in the loneliest place on earth.