If you make her cry, I will make you cry like a baby.
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget.
I remember the first thing that I picked up was “Baby on board” sign for the back of the car. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck.Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me.Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been.Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka – zipped up to her throat. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi.Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car – there is no need for you to come inside. We hope you enjoyed this blog and had a good laugh!!!! Lovely Wifey & I are have alot of fun being new parents!! Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips.Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots.